Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
