i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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