so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
