Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
