Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
