I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
