so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
