meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
