Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
