Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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