Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
