your room smells of hookers.
And success
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
