just tell him i said nine months
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
