When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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