I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
