I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
