I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
