pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize