3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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