he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
