i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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