Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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