I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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