You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
