About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
