youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
