At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
