need another drink. this is the easiest way
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
