Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
