my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Randomize
