so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my sisters under your porch take her home
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
