can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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