I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
