He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize