Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
