I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
