Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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