your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
did you get engaged???
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We left the knife in your bed.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
