quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
