Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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