so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize