You're my little dorito
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
