you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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