you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
