____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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