Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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