he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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