you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
