I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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