just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
