how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize