Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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