oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
