so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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