burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
