My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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