Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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