Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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