Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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