We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
