dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
