omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
