New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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