He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
