how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
