I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
