just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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