Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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