Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Houston, we have a blender
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
