Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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