So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
