I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
