just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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