You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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