why didn't you poke me back
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
