i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
