worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
