Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
