So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
