He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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