woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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