don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
