A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
