I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
His nipple licking is glorious
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