I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We are all done wearing pants today
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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