I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
