she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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