it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
