So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
