Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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