um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
