is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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