Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I didn't notice because vodka
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Randomize
