Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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