Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
wow bdsm is so cute
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
