You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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