So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
