He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
