planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Let's get the cat blown out
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
