I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize