Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
