Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
