So drunk its hurt
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
