Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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