I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
