I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
