if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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