Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
