Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Randomize
