I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
