she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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